I’ve always felt far removed from “perfect” or “ideal”. I look weird. I have too many bad moods. I don’t talk enough and people think I’m cold. Maybe I *am* cold. I don’t conform well enough to societal expectations. I care about the things no one cares about, and don’t care about the things everybody else values. Others always looked far more polished and well-formed than me: they didn’t appear to have the worries and stresses that I had, they got along brilliantly with strangers from the moment they first set eyes on them.
The questions are then…is there something wrong with me? Is there a way for me to shake off these imperfections? Am I intrinsically a bad person? I am stuck with these character traits for the rest of my life? At times the worries really got to me.
This was until somebody said the following to me. And changed everything: –
“…[there] are things that you will need to deal with. But don’t try to change yourself: because that’s who you are.”
It was the first time that somebody explicitly said to me that it’s fine to have flaws. That they see my flaws but still like me for who I am. I was incredibly touched by the comment (and cried about it later). Weak spots make me what I am. I can cover up and work round the flaws by practising my small-talk and a dozen other little tricks…but if I lose the flaw itself I lose part of my identity.
…I never thought about it that way.