Black Soul Coffee

Right now, black coffee consumes me. I think nothing of reheating day-old filtered coffee in the microwave, often 1-2 cups per day. I know I should switch it out with tea sometimes, but my body needs to taste that nasty dark bitterness.  I equilibrate with the dark bitterness within, I guess.

Honestly, I’m a mess of bad habits right now. My worst vice is regularly (i.e., more often than not) going to the lab on Sundays. If I was to give a prospective PhD student one piece of advice it would be “Don’t work 7 days a week – take a day off to refresh yourself”. Do as I say, not as I do, folks. Granted, I don’t work as long or as hard on the weekends (…usually): I give myself the luxury of checking Facebook during the daytime on Saturdays & Sundays, and I may well head out for a long lunch somewhere off campus. But at this point the PhD and Chemistry research is just…something that I do. Being in the lab is just…something that I do. There isn’t much of a distinction between “work” and “life” – it’s balanced in the sense that work is my life.

The PhD was always going to feature some sacrifice. As soon as I articulated my desire to do a PhD in Organic Chemistry I was warned that it would consist of 12 hr days, 60+ hr weeks. I never liked the idea of that, it was only after a lot of exposure to the concept that I finally made peace with it. Swallowed the bitterness, if you will. I’m an ambitious person, I wanted publications, prestige and a strong CV. It would be almost impossible to get those things in the Synthetic field without joining a 12/60 lab and matching that work ethic.

Yes, I’m envious of my friends in 9-5 white collar jobs. Yes, I feel sad that I had to give up travelling, dancing, doing lots of fun stuff. The hope is that I will (eventually) get it back. I have a clear idea of the kind of professional I want to become, and the kind of lifestyle I want to live. When I walk through Philadelphia I remember.

Despite all of this, I’d still say that I am happy. I’m in a lab that I enjoy being in. I don’t stress about money (I had 6 months in Edinburgh of full-time money worry: it made me appreciate financial security). My overall stress levels aren’t especially high and I’m not at risk of burn-out. I don’t have any pressing fears or uncertainties about what is coming next (there was a fair chunk of that when I was in Basel. Again, I can feel its absence).

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