Midday in the Chem Lab of Good and Evil

“I’m sensing internal conflict when you talk about your career aspirations.”

I took a long drag from my cranberry juice.

“…Yeah.”

We were in an artfully-dimmed speakeasy bar on the outskirts of one of Atlanta’s northern satellite towns. I was here doing something close to, or in mimicry of, professional networking. I always figured networking was for the folk who looked comfortable in power suits – not me. But since anonymous online job applications were now striking me as as a fools’ game, I was sincerely trying it.

What I’ve realised about moving around cities and continents is that I can assess my “fulfilment” and “happiness” at each stage of my life with a few outcomes: do I take up new activities, and do I build new friendship circles? It’s all about creating a unique set of good experiences you associate with a particular location. In Philly there was dancing, hiking and a book club. In Basel there was running. In London there was an intense tourist program. Here in Atlanta I’m doing martial arts and building up a professional network bound into the fabric of the city.

I didn’t network during my PhD. Not with any vigour. I’d feel more affinity for the New Jersey suburban realm if I’d tried to connect with professionals outside the university, instead of just with fellow grads in the program. Which isn’t to downplay the value of those grad school friendships. But now all my buddies are getting their PhDs and scattering across the continent. I sunk 4.5 years of my life into a single town, and now have no reason to hold on to it. NJ wasn’t really a “bad location” – it just feels like a misuse of my time not extracting more value from it.

So in Atlanta I’m swinging back to my usual approach: dig in. Meet people. Draw on their experiences, needs and advice if necessary. Although I’m at the “whoah she’s introverted!“ end of the extrovert-introvert continuum, I don’t mind meeting new people. In fact, the controlled environment of “networking” suits me. Those strangers want to chat with you. Their conversations are concise and to the point. You’re expected to circulate, not hold someone’s attention for an hour. No one is drinking heavily or playing shitty music, the space isn’t too loud or crammed. I bought 200 business cards, a shiny card holder and practiced extracting the holder from my pocket without breaking eye contact/conversational flow. That’s a networking skill right there.

Some people have networking miracle stories (“They told I was getting laid off so I left to get coffee and as I was standing in the queue at Starbucks I got talking to the guy behind me and he said his company was hiring and he’d take a look at my CV and after they hired me I learned he was the CEO.”). I’ll let you know if something similar happens to me. Right now, meeting a lot of random people generally has helped me connect with a key subset of people. Drinking a couple of post-work fruit juices and chatting for ~90 mins has helped me articulate what I was looking for in a career (if you can’t articulate what you want, how can you expect to get anything?) and nudged me into several proactive steps. AC: if you’re reading this thanks for your time and ear. I also appreciate that you said a bunch of nice things about my business card design and ‘social media strategy’ (I’m glad I possess anything it can be identified as a strategy!).

***

I don’t have anything important to say about my martial arts progress. But there’s a comment I need to publicly address. When I posted that recent photo of my karate/jiu-jitsu class, a friend jocularly commented: “Don’t tell me you have to try and beat up those massive guys!”

Rookie misunderstanding.

Big guys are the easiest targets. For some reason they feel bad about deploying force on a woman, so they hold back. Sure they’re heavy…but they make a real satisfying THUD when you throw ’em on the ground.

Dude, it’s the women you gotta watch out for.

They won’t hold back a single muscle fibre. They won’t feel compunction whacking you. They’re smaller and bonier than the men. You ever been caught by a bony edge? I’ve met women who are 90% bony edge and sharpen their elbows before class. Some of my biggest, most persistent bruises were given to me by female martial artists. They’re fantastic.

Martial arts requires this combination of strength and dance-like grace, neither of which are my natural attributes. I feel as if maybe I can learn both…but progress is incremental.